hornetaur:

She had curves in all the wrong places - some of them cast a 3-dimensional shadows, still others hummed a low, discordant note as they flitted about like flies. She was nothing like other girls - she was an abomination from the 6th plane of torment

(via brilliantbatch)

miss-zarves:

i changed my okcupid profile to say “you should message me if you know any good jokes about giraffes” and someone responded “you, a baby, and a giraffe walked into a bar, and then you walked out with me! ;) ;)” and i’m so angry because that doesn’t even make sense, there is ZERO adherence to structural joke norms, why the fuck is the baby there? did we leave the baby at the bar? jesus christ, did we fucking leave the baby with the fucking giraffe, that is NOT RESPONSIBLE

(Source: kristyskrushers, via liamdryden)

condom:

don’t send me snapchats from something i wasn’t invited to you rude ass bitch

(via pizza)

Teacher: where's your homework?

Me:

Me:

Me:

Me: i came out to have a good time and i honestly am feeling so attacked right now